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- Two Worlds
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- Neverending Story
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- Lit
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- Mama Sandwich
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- Not Like That
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- Sensation
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- Tender
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- Send Help
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- Checking and Counting
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- Never Again
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- Protecting
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- Taster’s Choice
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- Another Year
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- Seasons Change
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- Restless
Carrie Usmar
This Place Could Be Beautiful
“Mom, where’s my permission slip?” “When can we play Ipad?” “I want more cheese!” “I need my grey shorts today.” I stand staring at the counter in a daze, wondering if I have any more bread or ham for school lunches. My 4 -year-old breaks my trance as he tugs on my arm saying, “Momma! Momma!” I gaze down at his innocent eyes. “I love you,” he gleams.
I put on a smile and said “thank you.” But deep down I wrestle with feelings of inadequacy. I’ll never measure up to the idealized mom who effortlessly remembers forms, bakes for bake sales, or orchestrates Pinterest-perfect birthday parties. Shame grips me, leaving me feeling stuck but I continue my motherly duties until I can find a moment to breathe.
When the moment comes, I retreat to my garden, walking among the dahlias in quiet admiration. The distant hum of my neighbor’s mower drowns out the voice of doubt. Pausing to pull weeds, I note their persistence to overrun the garden. With my clippers, I carefully trim away spent flowers, clearing the way for new growth.
I live in two worlds, motherhood and my garden. Most of the time, I am mothering through the messy, chaotic, and beautiful moments. Gratitude is rare, boredom common, and every decision feels crucial. I seek solace in the garden, a place I can control. The methods and tools provide structure. I rediscover a sense of purpose and belonging. Gardening becomes not just a chore but a meditation on growth and renewal, a tangible reflection of my journey through motherhood’s unpredictable landscape.
Artist Bio
Carrie Usmar is Rhode Island based visual artist whose practice re-examines the family album. Utilizing a documentary approach, Usmar explores the complexity of womanhood and the tension and ambivalence within domesticity. Her narrative projects are devoted to highlighting the psychological and unseen, the isolation and challenges of motherhood, and the humorous and poignant moments of raising a family.
Usmar received a BFA from University of Rhode Island with a focus in photography and filmmaking. She has exhibited at numerous institutions across the U.S., including the Rhode Island Center For Photographic Arts, Newport Art Museum, Hera Gallery, The Griffin Museum and The Curated Fridge. Her work has been published on The Luupe and Lenscratch. She was selected for a residency at Garrett On The Green in upstate NY and was invited to attend the Eddie Adams Workshop XXXVI. Usmar is also a top 200 finalist for 2022 Critical Mass.